Holding on and Letting go
by JenniferHawke
Summary: Shepard has awaken to discover the world around her in turmoil. Not only has she lost two years of her life, but it seems that her former flame Kaidan has moved on. In a desperate time, she turns to her friend Garrus for support. But, perhaps there's more than just friendship bubbling beneath the surface. Past Shenko and Shakarian. Written with princebejitasama.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's notes: This is my very first Mass Effect story. Most of it is taken directly from a RP I am writing with princebejitasama (seriously, go check out his work. It's awesome). Most of what you see from Garrus' perspective is written by him. Those who are subscribed from my Dragon Age work, I hope this will live up to your expectations, and any new readers, welcome! As always, reviews and comments are much appreciated.**

**As this is based on a RP, a summary was near impossible to write as we have no idea where this story will take us. Hope you enjoy the ride!**

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><p>Boarding the Normandy, Shepard could not wait to leave this dreadful day behind her. Horizon had proven to be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. She doubted she would ever forget some of the horrors she witnessed. With each passing day, it seemed the chances of her crews survival lessened and lessened. It was a heavy burden to bear; so many lives were dependent on her actions. She had a tough façade; appearing as if she had no weaknesses. But on the inside, she was still very much human, a woman, and at times like this, she felt like she were breaking, although she would never allow herself to show it.<p>

During the mission they ran into Kaidan. She had hoped they would, after she discovered he had been at the colony before the attack. Worry plagued her when they arrived to see that the colony had already fallen to the Collector's. She was frantic, desperation pulling at her every fiber in an attempt to locate her former lover. The second he showed his face after the final battle had been won, her heart caught in her chest. Shepard was worried that she would never see him again. Everyone thought she was dead; and she had been, for two whole years. The prospect of contacting Kaidan again did occur to her, on more than one occasion. But, he would have moved on by now, and what was the point in rehashing old wounds? Two years was a long time. Even though for Shepard, it felt like just short months ago that they had spent together before Ilos, she knew for Kaidan, it would have seemed like a whole other life time ago. She thought it would have been selfish on her part to try and reach out to him, so despite what she wanted, she had left him alone. That didn't mean she had stopped caring. But apparently he had.

The words he threw at her felt as devastating as daggers. Anger seethed from him, and although she wanted to explain her actions in teaming up with Cerberus, it was moot. Kaidan wanted to hear nothing of it. Cerberus was the enemy in his eyes, so therefore, so was she. Shepard knew things had been over between them for a long time, but having him hate her the way he did made her feel the lowest she had in quite some time.

She remained silent during the remainder of the mission, not saying much to Garrus or Jacob as she tried to focus on the task at hand. Upon entering the Normandy, she quickly reported to the Illusive Man before returning to her personal chambers to clean herself up. When she finished bathing, she put on a pair of casual slacks and a black tank, tying her hair back off of her face. She briefly considered retiring for the night, but didn't really feel like being left alone with her thoughts. Plus, she really needed a drink, a stiff one at that. She took the elevator down to the lounge, which was empty at the moment. Shepard walked over to the small bar that resided in the far corner, and poured herself a glass of whiskey. Taking a large gulp, she cringed at the initial contact, the contents harsh on her tongue. The burning that came somehow soothed her, as she sat at the bar stool, allowing her legs the much needed rest from her day.

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><p>Garrus too was fighting his own inner battle.<p>

When Shepard had stepped out onto that bridge with the cannon fodder the mercs were sending at him, the Turian had frozen for a fraction of a second. She was dead and... well, no, not buried. Ripped into a million pieces and burned to a crisp upon taking her swan dive from the Normandy's eviscerated CIC. He did a double take, pinged a concussive round off her shields, and got back to the task at hand. Seeing her finally face to face in the loft of the apartment, the shock had lifted into jubilation at the return of his friend and leader.

Ever since then, he'd been by her side on every set down. Horizon, though... That had been difficult to stomach, even for a guy who had made a living cleaning up savage, bloodthirsty mercenaries off the streets of the Galaxy's toilet, Omega. And Kaidan...

If Garrus had been within reach, he'd have clocked the bastard upside the jaw for talking about her the way he did. Shepard had been so ecstatic to see him again, and all he'd done was sneer and turn away. That bright smile on her face (a smile that brought a flaring green twitch of jealousy to the Turian) had fallen away to a look of misery, and nothing Garrus or Jacob Taylor said could make a bit of difference.

Cerberus, of course, was the root of the problem. Shepard's involvement with the pro-humano group, often called a terrorist cell, fuelled Kaidan's anger, but Garrus still couldn't forgive the guy for dashing the woman who he, and the entire galaxy, owed their lives to.

The gangly Turian pushed the pieces of his disassembled rifle aside with a frown. He couldn't focus on cleaning his pride and joy right now, not with his mind all over the place. The omni-tool flared around his wrist, and he hastily typed up a message. He erased that message with an annoyed scowl, then did the same for the next. Finally, on his third try, he shrugged his shoulders. "Good enough." He muttered.

_Shepard,_

_When you get a chance, come down to the main battery._

_- G_

After a momentary hesitation, he sent the message.

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><p>Shepard was just finishing her tall glass of whiskey, barely noticing the burn at this point, when a beep came in on her omni tool. Her pale fingers waved over the gadget, as she opened her unread messages. She had received a few since she returned from her mission, but had ignored most of them as they had to do with future missions and findings. At the moment, she just wanted to clear her head of such things. There was a new message from Garrus however. She opened it right away, seeing it was brief and stating that he simply wanted to talk to her when she was available. Well, she was free now, and really wouldn't mind the company. Garrus had always proven to be a good friend, even in the worst of times. Shepard slid off of the bar stool, empty glass in hand as she made her way towards the main battery.<p>

As she passed the kitchen, she plunked her empty glass in the sink for Rupert to clean later. As busy as she always was, she still tried to keep the messes she made to a minimum. The last thing she needed after a draining day of fighting was to stumble upon clutter. She made her way towards the main battery, her skin feeling warm from the after effects of her drink. Her Cerberus implants made her incredibly tolerant of alcohol, more so than the average person, but it still caused her body to heat if she drank the right amount.

The door whirred behind her as it shut. Garrus stood hunched over, as she had seen him so many times before. "No rest for the wicked, huh Garrus?" She teased, offering him a small smile.

Almost immediately after he sent the message, Garrus regretted it. Stupid. What was he going to say? "Hey, Shepard. How are you? Kaidan was a dick."? He was on the verge of telling her not to worry about it when the doors slid open behind him and Shepard's voice preceded her into the battery.

He glanced over his shoulder, a smile alighting his scarred mandibles. "Bingo." He said with a nod. "Cerberus runs some pretty advanced tech, so there's always something overheating or needing adjusting. She's a stunner alright, but like most pretty girls, the Normandy's high maintenance."

He turned to face her, resting his lower back on the railing and folded his arms, his trademark cocky smirk giving way to a more passive glance. "How you holdin' up anyway? That must have been pretty rough for you." Garrus himself knew that if it had been a Turian colony they'd landed on, he'd have been pretty shaken up. He could only imagine how Shepard must be feeling right now.

Shepard let out a loud breath at the question. Where did she even begin? All personal conflicts aside, today was incredibly taxing on her emotions. Entire human colonies were being abducted, and there was little she could do about it. She thought back to the people they found frozen in place, sheer terror written across their stone-like faces. What the hell were the Collector's doing with them? And why humans? It brought back horrible memories of the Batarian attack on Mindoir, where she had witnessed her entire colony, her parents included, being slaughtered before her eyes.

"I'm hanging in there Garrus. You know me, I somehow always do," she said, doubt in her voice. "But honestly?" Her olive coloured eyes met his blue ones, as she lowered her guard, as thick and protective as the armor she wore, and let him in. "I don't have a clue in the world about what we're going to do next. Today was a real eye opener on just how much we're really needed in this fight." Shepard tucked a loose strand of her dark hair that had fallen loose behind her ear. "Just don't go spreading that around. Would be bad for morale," she responded with a hint of humour in her tone. She didn't want to be a mood killer, not when she needed his company and he probably had a million other things to do than listen to her complain.

"I'm sorry about that display you had to see between Kaidan and I. It's not something I would have wanted to discuss in public...it's just….I hadn't spoken to him since before I died." Saying that word out loud never was easy. It felt foreign and wrong on her tongue, something she doubted would ever change.

The Turian uttered a short chuckle, shaking his head to indicate that no, they wouldn't be hearing that from him. She was right, though. This was far bigger than anyone knew, even Cerberus who (much to Garrus' surprise) were the only ones taking the Reapers seriously. Sovereign, a Geth warship indeed. Bah.

The lanky alien lowered his eyes at the mention of Kaidan's name, his fingers more tightly clutching his biceps in annoyance. "Nothin' to be sorry about." He replied grimly. "Alenko's one hell of a soldier, but he's also a complete and total ass. I know you two have history and all, so forgive me for saying this, but the guy was outta line."

Garrus was the type of person to tell it how it was. He'd call a spade a spade and screw the consequences. "You saved his life back on Virmire, you saved the entire Galaxy on the Citadel, and most of all, you gave your life so that he, and the rest of the crew on the Normandy could live." His piercing blue gaze met hers, a fierce look looming behind the constantly scrolling eyepiece. "And what, because you're working with Cerberus, he shoots you down in flames like your some Vorcha digging through his trash?" He raised his hands and shrugged his shoulders, that crescendo of anger at Kaidan's actions finally bubbling to the surface. "No, that don't sit right with me. He owes you everything, Shepard. And he couldn't even look past that badge on your uniform. I mean, shit, I should have more beef with Cerberus than anyone on this crew, and you don't see me acting like you're some terrorist..." He paused in his tirade and closed his eyes. "Sorry, Commander." He rubbed the back of his neck, an embarrassed frown working its way onto his face. "I guess you're not the only one somewhat on edge, heh..."

Shepard couldn't help but feel slightly better about the situation after confiding in the turian. Leave it to Garrus to help her get over her self sorrow. It was nice to hear his concern for her well being. In that moment, she had needed a friend, and he provided just that. She let out a chuckle, the smile showing in her eyes which lifted at the corners. He was the only person on the ship that Shepard felt like she could really talk to. The others looked at her with respect. She was their Commander, the one they turned to for answers and guidance. She was the one who would lead them to victory and keep them safe while in battle. But there were times where she didn't have the answers, when she was the one that needed advice or an ear to listen to while she vented. There were some demons she couldn't face down with her gun. Those demons were the ones that haunted her dreams, depriving her of sleep which she so very needed after days like today. In this moment, it warmed her to know, that even though they wouldn't always see eye to eye, Garrus had her back.

"What would I do without you, Vakarian?" she asked, casually nudging him in the shoulder. Although it was a playful question, Shepard couldn't imagine running the ship without him at her side.

"Without me, you'd no doubt crash and burn. We all know that I'm the backbone of this team." His mandibles twitched with silent laughter, his cocky smile beaming from his face.

"You know, you too are entitled to take a break from these guns every once in awhile. Don't work yourself to death. Join me in the lounge. I don't much feel like sleeping yet. What do you say?"

The Turian shot a glance at the thrumming battery behind him. In truth, there wasn't a whole hell of a lot left to do. He'd fixed that little problem with the ventilation system and tightened every nut and bolt. His rifle still lay in pieces, but he'd at least cleaned the barrel and serviced the heat sink. The reassembly could wait.

"I don't like abandoning my post, Shepard. I see those Cerberus techs poking about in here every time we come back and nine times out of ten, my hydro-wrench is on the floor or they've greased the wrong mechanism. Buuuuut..."

He turned back to her and shrugged. "I can't disobey a direct order from my C.O. Lead the way, skip."

She shook her head and let out a laugh. "Alright hot shot. Follow me. It won't kill you to let loose for one night. And that is an order," she replied with a wink. Shepard turned on her heel, leaving the battery, Garrus in tow. There was a calming quiet amongst the ship, so quiet in fact that the whirring of the engines could be heard walking down the hall. Most of the lights had been dimmed, just enough to light the main areas such as above the kitchen table and along the hallway.

When they entered the lounge, she was glad to see it was still left unoccupied. It would be nice to catch up with Garrus, something they hadn't really been able to do since he had been recruited. Sure, they talked on their way to missions, but that was different. It was always about strategy. For tonight, they could focus on something else.

Shepard grabbed a control and clicked it on. A wall opened, emerging a TV that was mounted up high on the wall. She clicked through some channels, before leaving it on some Batarian comedy show that seemed to be popular at the moment. It would make do for background noise. Shepard popped behind the bar, looking through the varied selection, before propping three Turian spirits on the bar. "Okay Vakarian, pick your poison."

Setting himself down on the couch, Garrus gripped his chin in thought. "Hmm... Anything but Ryncol. That stuff really -is- poison." He chuckled. For the first time since Shepard pulled his scaly ass out of the fire on Omega, he was getting a chance to actually sit down and talk with her. Back when they were fighting Saren and his legions of Geth, Shepard regularly came down to shoot the shit with him between missions. But now, working directly under the Illusive Man, neither of the two had had more than a few free moments to scratch their asses.

This... This was nice.

"Wouldn't say no to a nice Palaven Brandy though. Assuming of course that Cerberus provides quality libations for their dextro-reliant contractors." His smirk grew wider, and he found himself unable to bite his tongue. "I gotta say, this would make for one helluva viral video on the Extranet... 'The illustrious Commander Shepard serves drinks to the charming and debonair Garrus Vakarian after the handsome Turian singlehandedly saves the Galaxy'... Got a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"One Palavan Brandy coming right up," she said, her voice cheerful for the first time in, well... a long time. Shepard grabbed a two glasses from the bar. In one she poured Garrus his Turian Brandy, in the other she made herself another whiskey on the rocks. Both drinks in hand, she made her way to the couch, sitting beside him. She handed Garrus his drink, being mindful to which belonged to who. It had been a long time since she'd taken the time to simply just /be/. So long in fact that Shepard had a hard time recalling when. Before the destruction of the first Normandy. Since Cerberus brought her back, she was thrown right into the fire. Now it was time to cool down, even if just for a few hours.

"Debonair huh?" she said with a smirk, taking a long sip of her drink. "I'm not sure if 'debonair' is the word all those mercs would use to describe the infamous Archangel. I'd go more with deadly, proficient...and maybe just a little cocky. That last part's coming from the 'illustrious' Shepard however. I'm sure the mercs don't know how suave you can be."

Garrus took a sip of the brandy and raised a finger. "Ah, see, 'cocky' suggests I'm over confident. Or, overestimating my own abilities. Which I'm not. I don't think I'm that good, I know I am." He grinned and winked, stretching back on the couch. "Few hundred dead mercs could testify to that if they weren't, well, dead."

As blasé as the Turian was being about his time on Omega, being a vigilante on the galaxy's most dangerous city-planet hadn't been a walk in the park. Not even for someone with Garrus' skillset. But it wasn't in his nature to bitch and moan about the hard times. Much easier to smirk and joke about it all. "And no." He pressed on. "No one on Omega had the utter privilege of being privy to my charming, dashing side."

"Yeah, yeah. You don't have to sell me, I've already seen you in action," Shepard replied with a smirk. She remembered in clear detail the anticipation of crossing that bridge. The wild stories that flied around this "Archangel", and how she, whilst crossing that bridge, was a bit worried he wouldn't be able to tell that she was on his side. He did graze her with a bullet after all. She doubted she'd ever forget that moment when she reached him, his back turned to her and how just in his stance she instantly thought he reminded her of Garrus. How her face lit up when he removed his helmet, proving that she had been right in her assumption. Shepard had felt alone in this battle against the Collectors until Garrus came on board. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and she wanted him to know that.

"It's been good having you around Garrus," she said in a more serious tone. "Times have been hard. And I know I can count on you." Shepard wasn't the best with words when it came to expressing her feelings. Sure, she could give one hell of a speech to uplift her crew, but when it came to matters of the heart, she stumbled.

"Well, somebody's gotta hold this team together. May as well be me." Came the typical snarky, teasing reply. Though he didn't show it, the statement touched him greatly, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Shepard could see right through his bravado. They may have only known each other for a year or so, but they'd been through hell and back together. She really was his closest confidant.

But really, he wasn't going to get all soppy and make a fool of himself in front of his Commander.

"I'm curious." He said, taking another drink of the admittedly exquisite brandy. "Do you... feel any different? I mean, since Cerberus brought you back to life."

"Well," she said, pausing for a moment. "At first, I couldn't really notice anything. Granted, being woken up from a two year coma with Miranda yelling in my ear, it was a little hard to get back on my feet, but I didn't really have another choice. That was the first big difference, I suppose. Most people who have been in a coma for such a long period of time would need months of physiotherapy. My body was a little sore, but that was about it." She recalled the panic she felt when waking up in a foreign room. "Other than that? I seem to have more endurance. Also," she held up her glass "I can knock more of these back before I really feel it." She laughed, before finishing her drink.

Shepard brought her leg under her, sitting in a more comfortable position. "So, I know you were on Omega for a few months, but what did you do right after I...uh...died?"

"After we took down Saren, I went back to C-Sec. Worst move of my damn life." He muttered, shaking his head. "Almost immediately, I remembered why I left in the first place. The paperwork, the politics, the red tape... After working with you, free to operate however we wanted, I felt sort of... Caged, back with Citadel Security. 'You can't do this, Garrus. You need evidence, Garrus. Your gut feeling isn't going to hold up in court, Garrus.' Bah."

The gangly Turian waved a hand in frustration as he took a sip of his drink. It had been a painful few months to say the least. "Then, one day, I'd had enough. I tracked down a drug dealer who was commonly known amongst C-Sec guys. He was smart in the sense that he never kept anything on him, and he used a series of informants to do his work so the bastard could keep his hands clean. Of course, when I strolled up to him, he picked me as an investigator immediately and got smug, telling me to bother someone else, and that I couldn't touch him. Heh, sure proved him wrong on that. Certainly did more than touch the son of a bitch. But anyway, long, violent story cut short - I 'pressed' him for information, found out his distributor operated out of Omega, handed in my resignation and well, the rest is history."

She listened intently as he spoke. Shepard had a hard time imagining Garrus going back to C Sec after what happened with Saren. He never struck her as being a good officer to begin with. Garrus was far too opinionated and strong willed for that line of work. No, he was a soldier, and a damn good one. Garrus was the kind of soul who would risk his life for a comrade, one who would throw himself in front of a grenade if it meant the survival of others. He was kind, but he was also one mean bastard if you were at the opposite end of his gun. Shepard hadn't a doubt in her mind that he was one of the best on her ship. He was exactly where he belonged - on the Normandy helping her in the mission to end the Collector's, not stuck behind some desk filled with papers to be signed.

"I'm sure C Sec wasn't too happy about that," she said, amusement laced in her voice. Shepard knew first hand what it was like to have to resort to violence to get an answer from a thug. Those were the moments that the media liked to jump all over her. She hated being in the spotlight all the damn time - the whole universe watching, and judging her every moment. Sometimes it felt like she couldn't breathe when she reflected on it. The amount of pressure she bore day to day might cause the average person to have a severe breakdown, but still, she held her head high and pressed on. There were times she wondered what kept her going - and often she found the answer within - she wanted to make her parents proud. They had died many years ago, victims to Batarian slavers. Even though they were no longer with her, at times she could feel their presence, as if they were watching her from where ever they were. Her crew was her family now. That meant, that although she might not see eye to eye with many of them, she would do everything in her power to protect them.

A pleasant buzz was tingling her skin. Shepard looked down at the two empty glasses in front of them. She was enjoying Garrus' company far too much to want the night to end so soon. "Another refill coming up," she said as she went to the bar and made them each another drink. She could worry in the morning about feeling sleep deprived.

"This is nice." Garrus said with a small grin as Shepard returned with his refilled drink. "Say what you will about Cerberus, but they sure know how to outfit a ship. I swear, if we'd had a bar on the SR1, we'd have stopped Saren in half the time." Of course, it was certainly exceptionally nice to get some one on one time with his Commander as well. She'd come to talk with him plenty of times on her way to the Mako or the Alliance Requisition Officer on their hunt for the Geth, but this was... Different somehow.

Another hour passed quickly, which involved rehashing of memories from the "good old days", swapping stories of their lives before their involvement with Saren, and just enjoying their night without talking about the Collector's for once. Shepard leaned against the bar, one leg in front of the other as she leaned back. She was beginning to feel a little light headed, having drank a few more stiff drinks in that time. Before she became Commander, she was known to go a little crazy during her shore leaves. It wasn't that she was a partier per say, she just seemed to turn to drink and the nightlife when she needed an escape. Before Shepard joined the alliance, she struggled with severe PTSD from the attack on Mindoir. Watching everyone she had ever cared about killed before her at the age of 16 completely changed her. She was just a kid then, not the strong soldier she was now, and could do nothing but hide and pray they wouldn't find her. The guilt she carried for the years that followed was sometimes too much to bear. And just when she thought she was moving forward with her life, Akuze happened. Once again, she was the sole survivor of a catastrophic event. She had been evaluated by professionals after both events, and was told that the amount of stress and trauma she had been through would break the average person. Sometimes Shepard felt like it might, but then she pushed forward, throwing herself back on the field. It was only times when she was alone, or had shore leave, that these thoughts crept back into her mind, and she turned to drink. Tonight had started exactly that way, just like it had during those days. She sat alone in the lounge, drowning in her sorrows with a drink. Yet, it had taken a very unexpected turn. Garrus messaged her just when she needed a friend the most, and although she was not one to reach out when she needed the help, she was incredibly grateful he was there with her tonight. She was happy in this moment, feeling nothing but the warm tingling on her skin from the drink and a smile on her face.

Shepard poured herself a tall shot, and raised it up. "To the wonderful folks that built this lounge. They may be Cerberus, but they have damn good taste," she said, her voice sing-songy with glee from the drink. She downed her shot, not even tasting the vile flavor or feeling the burn anymore. "What's the matter Vakarian, can't keep up?"

Unlike Shepard, Garrus didn't posses a body comprised of artificial organs that boosted his tolerance. After an hour or more of drinking, with Shepard refilling like a woman dying from dehydration, Garrus Vakarian was stone cold hammered.

"Keep up?" He slurred, swaying slightly in his seat and glancing up blearily through one eye. "Shepard... drinking is my best... thing... aside from shooting... and... other stuff..."

Shepard laughed, taking a few steps to join him on the couch again. Only she hadn't realised how much the alcohol had affected her at this point. She tripped over her feet, crashing into the couch. She landed directly beside Garrus, her head bumping into his shoulder. An uncharacteristically feminine giggle escaped her lips, when finally she lifted her head, only a mere inch away from his. She had never been this close in proximity to the Turian before, and for a few moments, she lingered, much longer than she should have. Her eyes set on his intense blue ones, as a deep breath slowly left her lips. Garrus, too, felt his breath catch in his chest, his heart giving a flutter as though it had recently grown a pair of tiny wings. Aside from when he'd taken a rocket to the face in that apartment on Omega, this was as close as he'd ever been to her. All of a sudden, that green twinge of annoyance in the back of his mind at Kaidan's dismissal made much, much more sense. His hand slipped down to her shoulder, his mandibles twitching slightly in a barely noticeable smile. A voice in the back of his mind told him not to be stupid. To laugh it off. But something else told him not to hold back.

Then, Shepard pulled away. "I...I should go," she stammered.

"Ah... Yeah." He agreed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, somehow feeling exceptionally sober. "I need to do a few things before I turn in anyway."

It had been difficult for Shepard to pull away from Garrus, and it wasn't due to the alcohol in her system. It was as if some force had kept her glued in that spot by his lap, her face so close she could feel his warm breath on her neck. Yet, she fought it. Although she had been the one to move back first, she felt a little disappointed at Garrus' agreeance. Why? She wasn't sure. Shepard slowly stood to her feet, still inebriated from too many shots of whiskey. "Alright Garrus," she said as she began to walk for the doorway. She turned to face him once more. "Thanks… for keeping me company." With that she turned her back and headed to the elevator.

When she arrived to her cabin, she hadn't even bothered to pull off her clothes for the night. She simply flopped into bed, letting out a huge groan as she covered her face with her hands. She suddenly felt sober, the reality of what had just transpired in the lounge weighing heavily on her mind. The scenario replayed again and again, each time causing her heart to stop. What would have happened if she hadn't pulled away from him, she wondered. It was Garrus...her friend. They had been close, sure, but she never considered him more than that before. When he boarded the Normandy after leaving C Sec, she had already been interested in Kaidan. And then, there was that whole cross-species thing. It wasn't that she found him unattractive. She had always admired his ability to move his strong body swiftly across the battlefield. And then there was his piercing blue eyes, and deep rumbling voice….

Her heart stopped again. Alright, there definitely was an attraction there. But they were friends. Would acting on this desirability be worth it in the end, should things go wrong? She didn't want to lose his friendship, not ever. He was the only person she had right now. The rest of the crew members were practical strangers, aside from Joker, but the two of them were never all that close to begin with. She had no family to speak of. The only other person she cared for was Kaidan and he had acted as if she were some monster. She let out a sigh at the thought of her former flame. Those wounds were still fresh. Was that what this was all about? Was she simply trying to get over Kaidan? Ever since Mindoir, and then Akuze, Shepard had vowed not to let anyone to get too close again. She thought she was cursed, as strange as that was. Everyone around her seemed to die. It was too painful a thought - seeing another she loved being slaughtered before her eyes. She let down her guard with Kadian, after years of being alone, and look at where that got her. He almost risked his life for her when the Normandy was going down. And then...she died. Perhaps she was meant to be alone. That thought frightened Shepard the most.

Her head was beginning to hurt. She would have to wait until she was sober. Maybe she would feel differently in the morning. As Shepard began to allow sleep to claim her muddled thoughts, in the back of her mind she knew things would never quite be the same again.


	2. Vengeance

_**Author notes: We co-wrote this chapter with another great author, **__**TRON-JA-307020 who is responsible for Zaeed's dialogue. Thank you to the admin of the Shakarian FB page who shared our story :) Please read and review. Enjoy!**_

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><p><em>"You're sure of it?"<em>

_"Wouldn't be callin' if I wasn't, Vakarian. It's Sidonis, alright."_

_"On the Citadel?"_

_"Zakera Ward when I saw him. But he seems to move about a lot. Haven't seen him in a few days."_

_"Any idea who might know?"_

_"There's a guy here, Fade. He's the one who made Sidonis disappear. I can set up a meeting with his agents if you want."_

_"Sure, but hold off for now. I'll call you with the go ahead."_

_"No problem."_

_"And Drax? Thanks."_

_"Consider it me paying you back for pulling my ass outta that mess with the Suns. Good luck, Archangel."_

* * *

><p>Garrus paced back and forth relentlessly, his mind buzzing like a hive of angry hornets. Sidonis, the bastard who'd gotten his entire squad killed... He'd always wanted to find the son of a bitch but until Mekrot Drax's call, he hadn't expected to hear about him at all. At first, he planned to keep the little tip off to himself; Shepard had her hands full with the Collectors and he doubted she'd have time to go chasing a ghost around the Citadel. But after much soul searching, he decide he couldn't let Sidonis slip into the shadows again.<p>

Shepard wasn't at her Terminal overlooking the Galaxy Map, so Garrus had left a message with Yeoman Chambers for Shepard to come see him ASAP. For the last twenty five minutes, he'd been pacing back and forth across the battery like a caged Varren.

All he could do was lay it out on the table and see what she had to say. He had a feeling she'd find them time, or make some. They talked at lengths about Garrus' time on Omega, including Sidonis and his betrayal. She knew how much this meant to him.

In fact, she's been making more and more time lately to come and visit him down in the forward batteries, although they'd steered well clear of the lounge and not spoken about that crazy night since. Garrus had thought about it, though. More than once. How close they'd been made him smirk to himself every time he recalled the memory. But then, he'd remember she'd pulled away, and he kicked himself mentally for thinking she'd been interested, even momentarily.

It was a fools errand, really. He wasn't her type. Not even her species, for Christ's sake. Charming pretty boys like Kaidan were her choice, not battle worn Turians with half their face missing.

He halted in his pacing and glanced down at his Omni-Tool. Time was ticking. It wouldn't be long before Sidonis vanished again. "Keep your head in the game, Vakarian." He thought to himself. "Get this stupid romantic crap outta your brain and focus."

* * *

><p>Shepard had been in her cabin for the better part of the day. She had an ever growing pile of emails and reports to file, so she stuck to the privacy of her room. It was here she could keep to herself, knowing that her crew members wouldn't bother her unless it was an emergency. The latest Expel 10 album had been playing for the past hour, keeping her energetic enough while she sent the Illusive Man her latest update, and got around to a few personal messages that she hadn't been able to respond to. Most days when she came back after a mission, she was too tired to do much else other than collapse in bed. Of course, when she found herself with a bit of time on her hands, she made a point to catch up with Garrus.<p>

She had feared that things would become awkward after that night in the lounge, and had in fact, avoided him the whole next day. Upon sobering up she felt a little embarrassed for her drunken display, and was apprehensive that he would feel uncomfortable around her presence. After she got over her initial bashfulness, she went to talk to him while he worked on the main guns, and was happy to see that nothing had changed. Neither of them brought up what happened, or rather, what had almost happened. At first she was relieved, but the more she thought about it, she became a little disappointed. She would have rather hear him say he found humans repulsive, than not know what he actually thought of her. It was something that irked her on those nights where she had trouble falling asleep, but she wasn't going to bring it up and risk an uncomfortable confrontation. It would seem however, the more she ignored the topic, the more she wanted to bring it up.

Standing to her feet, she stretched. It was about time she needed a break. Shepard was never one who liked to sit for long periods of time. She took the elevator down to see if Kelly had any news for her. Upon catching up with the Yeoman, she was informed that Garrus wanted to see her immediately and that he had seemed apprehensive about something. She suddenly felt a little anxious. Not wasting any time, she made her way to the Crew's floor to the main battery, where she knew he would be.

The door quietly swooshed behind her, as she saw the Turian pacing back and forth.

"I take it that something's bothering you." she said, interrupting his thoughts. "What's going on, Garrus?" The Turian finally stopped his relentless pacing when the doors whooshed open. He looked over towards the Commander, his face grim and displaying none of his usual charismatic charm. He paused momentarily as if weighing up her question. Was something bothering him? Yeah, sure. Sidonis was still breathing.

"Remember the last time we talked, how I told you about my crew? About Sidonis, who betrayed us to the mercs?" He leaned back on his console, studying his booted feet for a moment. This was it, time to speak up. "I just got a call from an old friend of mine. Sidonis is on the Citadel."

Of course she remembered. Garrus had initially seemed reluctant to talk about what happened on Omega. When he finally opened up to her, she could see the anger and guilt he felt over Sidonis' betrayal. It was a feeling she could empathise with, after her own experience on Akuze. What happened to his crew was a terrible tragedy, and was in no way his doing. But she knew that Garrus carried the guilt with him still, and that he would not let go until Sidonis was found. And now, they had his location.

"Are you certain?" she asked, although she already knew the answer. Garrus would only bring this up with her if he knew for sure. At the turian's nod, she took a step forward, closing the distance between them. "Then we go to the Citadel." she responded, placing her hand on his forearm. "I know how important this is to you. Hell, if I had a way of getting justice from those Batarian slavers on Mindoir...I wouldn't hesitate," she said, the tone on her voice becoming cold. "I'll inform Joker that we'll be making a stop to the Citadel. It's about time Archangel pays Sidonis a visit."

Words couldn't explain how much this meant to him. Even in the midst of this war with the Collectors, Shepard was finding time to help him out. And it wasn't just him either; They'd recently pulled Miranda's sister out of the clutches of the Eclipse and found time to track down Jacob's father. If Garrus didn't know any better, he'd have sworn that Project Lazarus had given Shepard the biggest heart in the galaxy.

In the midst of the serious moment, he found himself regretting letting her pull away from him on that long forgotten night.

"Thanks, Commander." He said with a grateful nod, painfully aware of her slender hand on his forearm. "I'll need to make a call enroute. We're meeting up with a guy named Fade on the Citadel. He's the one who made Sidonis disappear in the first place. Hopefully he can be convinced to point us in his direction."

"Make whatever arrangements you need. I'll see to it that Joker gets us there soon," she said, finally pulling her hand away from him. Once again, their proximity left her with a tingling sensation over her body, and this time, it had nothing to do with alcohol. Shepard offered him a small smile, before turning on her heel. She took the elevator to deck 2, glad in her decision to help Garrus. She knew that killing wasn't the best way to solve problems, but the world would be a better place with men like Sidonis gone.

Garrus watched her depart with a combination of elation and confusion. He was ecstatic that they were headed to the Citadel to deliver Archangel justice upon the treacherous bastard, but was puzzled at just why the hell her closeness had, once again, eclipsed all other notice. Shit, he'd admitted to himself now, more than once, that he liked as her as something more than a friend. But Garrus had had crushes, girlfriends and one night stands more times than he could count. So, why was Shepard clogging up his mind so damn much?

He put that into the "figure it the hell out later" pile, and turned to his terminal.

* * *

><p>With his message to his krogan informant Drax conveyed, and the Normandy speeding along the FTL route towards the Widow Relay, Garrus strapped his Vindicator and his Mantis to the magnetic strips over his broad shoulders and headed down to the shuttle. He found Shepard and Zaeed there, waiting for him as the Normandy exited FTL travel and drifted down towards the colossal Citadel.<p>

"My contact set us up a meeting with Fade." He announced, his first words of the trip. "He'll be waiting for us down in the warehouse behind the Zakera Markets." He glanced from Zaeed to Shepard (the former taking a final drag on his cigarette), earning a slow, understanding, grim nod from the battle worn merc.

Zaeed flicked the butt of his Illium Royal on the deck and crushed it with his reinforced boot. He brought up his Omni Tool and took a look at the clock before giving a satisfied nod. "Should be rush hour down on Zakera..." he lowered his arm, the orange glowing device shimmering out of view. "...that'll 'elp us blend in if this Sidonis geezer has lookouts posted around the joint." Every word rasped from his cigarette beaten throat as he spoke it.

Zaeed crossed his arms and leaned against the shuttle. "If I was a shifty bastard like Sidonis I'd have blokes watching Fade." He looked over at Garrus. "Just in case you tried to make him squeal." The old merc turned his glance towards Shepard. "Take it that's why we're docking? Then flying the Kodiak down to the airlock just off Zakera?"

Shepard figured if the two of them could rely on any one, it would be Zaeed. He had an extensive background as a bounty hunter, and revenge was no stranger for the man. Hell, revenge seemed to be something he _lived_ for. She didn't always agree with his methods, but there was no denying that he knew how to get the job done. She figured Garrus wouldn't mind the extra help, and the two of them seemed to get along well enough.

"I figured we ought to talk to Bailey first. If anyone knows about this Fade, it'll be him," she responded, as she clasped the final latches of her chest piece in place. Bailey had helped her out a few times previously. He knew all the comings and goings of the criminals on the Citadel. She was willing to bet money that he would have information that could prove useful. The Normandy's descent could be felt as it made its landing into the docking bay. Soon after, the trio made their way to the C-Sec officer's office.

* * *

><p>It proved to be a good move, as Bailey did in fact know where to start their search. He advised them to look in the Warehouse district, as Fade had contacts there. After a brief run in with a volus and his body guards, they learned that the identity of "Fade" was actually Harkin. Shepard groaned and turned to Garrus as they headed towards the nearest Rapid Transit Terminal.<p>

"Looks like our old -friend- is asking for trouble. How much you wanna bet he's armed and ready?"

Oh he'll be ready for us." Garrus said grimly, popping a fresh clip of ammunition into his Vindicator. "Mercs, mechs... Something along those lines. Still can't believe Harkin managed to pull something like this off. Figured he'd be too busy drowning his sorrows in Chora's Den."

Garrus felt a conflicting combination of disappointment and grim satisfaction that Harkin was their man. He'd expected this "Fade" to be a big time underworld player, not some washed up C-Sec dropout. Then again, Harkin was a coward. If they applied just the right amount of pressure, he'd break like an Vorcha arm beneath a Krogan foot.

The Turian glanced towards Zaeed, who had two fingers pressed to his ear. He was suddenly very glad they'd brought the grizzled old bastard along for the ride. In a firefight, there was no one on the Normandy he'd rather have watching his ass. "Got something?" He asked, leaning a shoulder against the shuttle wall.

"Yeah..." Zaeed held up his hand as if to say 'shut up a second'. "Blue Sun's chatter..." He always had a comm scanner hooked to a VI on him. The VI would filter out the usual background chatter and intercept channels that proved relevant. Zaeed dropped his hand. "Dunno how many. But they have a combat engineer with em. He's laying trip mines in a corridor just off cargo bay 12." He gave them both a knowing glance. "I'd say our boy is holed up there?" He nodded as he thought about. "Yeah, twelve is right at the back off the beaten path. You don't take that corridor unless you're going to twelve."

Garrus gave a sharp nod. "Nice catch. Now we know precisely where it is." The shuttle came to a halt, lowering to the ground just outside of 12's access corridor. "Let's hit the bastard."

Garrus lead the way out into the corridor, using his tech expertise to remotely disable the craftily laid mines along their path. His finger itched on the trigger, eager to lay this shit to rest. The trio rounded a corner to the warehouse's entrance, and there he was.

"Harkin." The former alcoholic C-Sec officer wheeled on the spot, the two Blue Suns mercs reaching for their weapons. "Or is it 'Fade' now?"

"Vakarian?" Harkin's eyes widened. "Shit, don't just stand there! Kill him!" The soldiers opened fire as Harkin turned tail and ran, disappearing behind the closing doors. Garrus, Shepard and Zaeed huddled behind cover while the bullets whizzed overhead. The Suns, while deadly soldiers, were no match for Commander Shepard, Zaeed and Garrus. They dispatched them with ease and approached the doors. "I'll get this open." Garrus's OT flared around his wrist. "Reckon you can get us an idea of what we're up against?" He asked the battle-scarred Massani.

Zaeed paid close attention to his tap on the Blue Suns communications. Now that they'd killed two Suns and disabled their mines in the main hallway, the comm was now alive with chatter.

"Sounds like there's two fire teams behind there..." he pointed at the sealed cargo door. "...going by the Sun's patrol patterns. That's between eight and ten blokes." Zaeed had taught the Sun's their tactics and knew their procedures inside and out.

Shepard let out a curt laugh. "Shouldn't be a problem. Sounds like a typical Wednesday." It was a habit of hers to give small pep talks to her team, but this was _Harkin_. She had no doubt that he had formed a bit of a following in his new "business", but the man was a total wreck. He was bound to fuck up somewhere along the lines. As Garrus got the door opened, Shepard readied herself. She got herself into position, and after peeking into the room, she sprinted forward, sliding behind a cargo box and taking cover.

The room was filled with mechs and Blue Suns Troopers. The mechs were easy enough. She popped out of cover and aimed for one, shooting it several times in the head. The mech began to clamour as it malfunctioned, its circuits fizzling before exploding. Again, she aimed for another and another, until she took down three more. The Troopers were a little more stealthy, but not a problem for the trio. Shepard lobbed a grenade behind one of the carts where several of them hid, a few seconds later hearing the blast and broken screams. With an acknowledged nod towards her companions, the three of them proceeded through the doors, and further down the shipping area.

With an emotionless expression etched into his features, Garrus stood over the last mercenary, cold blue eyes watching as the man coughed and struggled, writhing in agony on the ground. Blood seeped from a gaping tear in his suit, and his hands worked feverishly to attempt to stem the flow. Silently, he drew his sidearm, thumbed off the safety, and put a final round into the soldier's skull, ending the pitiful struggle to survive.

He moved on, finding Zaeed and Shepard in a small control room, bordered by thick blast shielding. Garrus cradled his Vindicator in the crook of his elbow, moving over to the control panel. "I'm picking up a compliment of mechs on the scanners in there." He muttered, tapping at the terminal. "Must be out of mercenaries, so he's throwing whatever he has left at us. The idiot's cornered himself."

With a few more taps at the display, the door onto the factory floor shifted from red to green, whooshing open moments later. "Final push. Let's put an end to this." He and Zaeed entered first, as the first of the stationary LOKI mechs rose and opened fire. The two skilled warriors tore through the first wave before dropping into cover as the second marched on towards them.

Zaeed popped a steaming hot thermal clip from his rifle and rammed a fresh one into the chamber. The internal VI gave a welcoming beep telling him he was cocked n locked. "Mechs. A fuckin cowards tool." Zaeed hocked a mouthful of saliva and spat it on the floor in disgust.

"Ten left." he remarked before jumping up from cover briefly and let a concussion shot off. The blunt round ripped through the air and impacted a LOKI square in the chest. It shattered and metal arms and legs went flying. "Make that nine now.." he quipped, dropping back into cover. "We can't let these bastarding toasters slow us down." Zaeed prepped a high yield grenade. Tearing the pin from the ovular device before he tossed the beeping bomb over his head. It rolled across the ground right into the hole in the mech's line he'd just created. The blast tore through the mechs in the blink of an eye, tossing parts all over the bay.

The heat of the explosion could be felt from where Shepard ducked, the burning sensation dancing across the exposed skin of her cheeks. She waited a few moments while the buzzing of the mechs clamoured down, before peeking her head out of cover. There were no shouts, and no bullets flying their way. She glanced at her companions, giving them a nod, as she took a few steps forward.

They were reaching the end of the shipping area. Harkin had nowhere else to hide, save for the doors up ahead. They would be reaching him soon, and he better have the answers they were looking for. All looked clear, when suddenly the ramp above them started to whir and two YMIR Mechs were dropped. "Shit!" Shepard yelled, ducking back into cover. "Be careful!" she hollered out to her two team mates. She moved quickly, popping back out to throw an inferno grenade. Just as she threw the grenade, one of the heavy mechs locked on to her, sending a grenade of its own her way. The force of the impact hurdled her several feet in the air, as she crashed into a wall. It felt as if all of the air had been knocked out of her lungs, as she desperately gasped, unable to find her breath. The protective armour around her upper chest and left arm had been seared, the skin burnt and blackened. There was an unbearable ringing in her ears, and her eyes burned to open. The Mech stomped near, so Shepard rolled as best she could out of the way, barely avoiding it's next attack.

Garrus' eyes widened in horror as Shepard was pulverised by the close proximity attack, a shout bursting from his mouth and the Vindicator in his hand firing wildly at the back of the Mech's head to draw its attention away from his Commander. The YMIR turned, opening fire with it's turret-sized arm cannon, forcing Garrus to scurry for cover. In his retreat, he saw an opening.

Up above the Mech, a huge canister of explosive fuel hovered in the air. He needed to act fast before the mech gave up on him and turned its attention back to Shepard. He leaped from cover, his shields glaring to compensate for the mech's firepower, and he took aim, sending a wave of bullets towards the canisters restraints. The drum fell, crashing into the Mech's head, staggering it as the oil coated it's entire form. "Zaeed! Light it up!"

Zaeed took full advantage of the distraction that Garrus was causing and moved position, scuttling low behind cover. Trying not to be seen. When he combat rolled into position behind a big heavy container. Zaeed flicked a switch on the side of the main grip of his Mattock, the whole rifle came to life. Whirring and buzzing emanated from his weapon as it loaded up incendiary rounds into the pre-fire chamber.

When he was ready Zaeed popped his head out and took careful aim, lining up the red dot dead centre on the mech's head which was soaked in fuel. Through gritted teeth Massani hissed "Fry you son of a bitch!" and squeezed the trigger. One blaring hot round blasted through the air, whistling as it burned oxygen with each millimetre. It found it's target, thudding into the head casing. The incendiary fluid made contact with the fuel and a fireball a meter high flew up. The YMIR stumbled and moved around erratically as the intense heat cracked the outer shell and began burning through electronics.

The big mech finally started giving out and fell to a knee then was suddenly knocked aside by it's partner in crime. The burning YMIR toppled over as the other one began blasting auto fire at Zaeed, apparently in some blood rage at the "death" of it's mechanical companion. "Fuck me!" Massani yelled as he flung himself behind the container, rounds peppering his shields as he fell.

Shepard had enough time to crouch back behind cover and apply medi-gel to her wound. She hissed through her teeth at the contact, but soon enough it took it's immediate effect. Her wound began to close up, and the incessant ringing in her ears subsided. She took in a deep breath, shaking off the fear that had consumed her just moments before. Her adrenaline kicked into overdrive, pushing her forward. Only one of those bastards left.

With a twisted smile upon her lips, she latched on to her new favourite toy; the Collector's Particle Beam she managed to grab her hands on just a few weeks ago on Horizon. She had only used it the once, amazed at the power it wielded. She jumped up from the crate she hid behind, fully attuned to her senses now.

"You want to play rough, do ya?" She snickered, pressing her finger down up the trigger, as she aimed for her target. The YMIR staggered, before firing back at Shepard. This time she rolled out of the way in time, launching another grenade at the mech. Again it sputtered, aiming from where she had attacked from. But once more, she dodged its attack, throwing herself to the ground and rolling behind another cart. She popped up again, shooting the YMIR with another long attack of the Particle Beam. Her attacks had taken their toll, as the machine crashed to the ground, exploding on contact. She let out a triumphant laugh, standing straight on her feet. Like hell she was going to let Harkin be the end of her (even though it was looking like a close one for a few moments, she would never admit it).

Shepard looked to Garrus, nodding in the direction of the room that lay ahead. "He's got nowhere to run now. You ready?"

Garrus replied only with a grim nod, taking the lead up the gangway towards Harkin's hidey-hole. This was it, his ticket to finding Sidonis and ending his miserable, traitorous existence. The door slid open, revealing Fade's office, and the man himself, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

The trio of Garrus, Shepard and Zaeed raised their weapons at him, causing the former C-Sec officer to raise his hands. "You made someone disappear recently, Harkin." said Garrus, taking a step forward. "A Turian, named Lantar Sidonis. If you could be so kind, do me a solid, and make him reappear."

"You gotta be kidding me, Vakarian." Harkin replied. "I do that, my whole operation goes down the tubes."

"Oh. I see." Garrus lowered his pistol momentarily, nodding his head, and without warning lunged at Harkin, swiping the muzzle of the Carnifex across the human's jaw in a savage, swift backhand. Fade let out a shout of shocked pain as he fell backwards, and with incredible strength, Garrus shoved him into the wall hard enough to dent the metal. He followed up with a brutal knee to the solar plexus, and drove his elbow into the back of Harkin's head to put him face first on the ground. "Make a decision now, Harkin; Your business or your life." Garrus put his foot on the back of Fade's neck, smashing his face into the ground. He levelled the pistol with a shaking hand at the back of Harkin's bleeding head, the gun whirring as a fresh round of ammunition rolled into the chamber.

Whilst Garrus was roughing up Fade, Zaeed was watching the door. Half keeping an eye out and half watching Vakarian. He wanted to make sure the Turian didn't lend himself too much to rage and put Fade out permanently.

"I'd do what he says Fade.." Zaeed said quietly to the pulverised up and coming 'master' criminal. "Cause we don't really need ya, you know? I bet we can find Sidonis' location just by hunting through your computers." He looked at Garrus. "Might as well just do 'im in mate. He's worthless." Massani taunted.

"All right, all right! Get off me!" he gasped and fought against Garrus' hold on him. Reluctantly, the Turian eased up. Harkin quickly moved towards his terminal, his face a crumpled mess of blood and bruises, muttering curses under his breath. He tapped away at the terminal and the call screen bloomed into life. "Yeah, it's me. Something's come up, you may have been compromised... No, it's alright. I've got it under control. I'm sending someone to come see you, down by the transit hub. Ok."

"Alright, it's done." Harkin turned, glaring through a blackened eye at Garrus. "Now, can I go?"

"Sure. You can go. But first, I don't want you going too far." Garrus drew his pistol, aiming it at the terrified Fade.

"Hey! We had a deal!" Harkin took a hasty step back, raising his hands. "I gave you Sidonis, you said you wouldn't kill me!"

The Turian rested his finger on the trigger, lowering the pistol towards Harkin's knee. "Unless I rupture your femoral artery, a bullet to the leg isn't going to kill you. Luckily for you, I'm one hell of a shot." The report blared out, almost silencing Fade's scream of agony as the bullet ripped cleanly through his thigh. "Now get the hell out of here, before I rethink my mercy."

Zaeed just watched as Fade hobbled his way out until he was out of earshot, his eyes still locked on him. "He'll never play goddamned hopscotch again." He drew his finger to his ear and nodded a sigh of relief. "There's no reports of gunfire on the C-Sec channels yet. Recommend we use corridor 6 to get the transport hub." Zaeed said whilst giving his weapon a quick check. "It'll be dead this time of day."

* * *

><p>The aircar lowered to the ground overlooking the hub, and Garrus sat for a moment, silently contemplating the vengeance to come. Zaeed had already departed the car, doubtless going to nick off for a smoke while Garrus wrapped up business.<p>

It was straight forward from here. Get Sidonis in the open, find somewhere concealed, put a bullet in his head. Then maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to sleep at night. Maybe, he'll be able to silence the voices of his fallen crew.

His eyes found a likely place, and he gave Shepard a nod in its direction. "Looks like a good vantage point." He said. "I'll be able to line up my shot from there. I just need you to get him in the open, away from onlookers. Keep him talking so I can get a clean kill."

"Got it," Shepard replied, sensing the tension and aggravation in Garrus. She felt it herself, everything they had done today had lead up to this moment. The final kill. Shepard had looked over Harkin's file on Sidonis when they were in his office, so she knew who she was looking for.

It was clear to Shepard that Garrus needed to do this, for peace of mind more than anything. It was a feeling she could understand, but still she had to ask. "This is your last chance, Garrus. You sure you wanna go through with this? There might be more to the story that you don't know." She let out a breath. "I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to die. He probably does. But once you do this, it'll be over. There won't be any second chances to have any questions you may have answered. Whatever you decide, I'm with you."

Garrus had known long before this point what he meant to do. He'd known the moment he realised what Sidonis has done. "He dies." Garrus replied with gruff finality, ending the conversation by stepping out of the car and walking away. If he hadn't been so crippled by revenge, he'd have felt guilty for blowing off Shepard's concern and giving her the cold shoulder.

But he couldn't see past his grief or his anger, and it was shaking hands that he reached over his shoulder and pulled his Mantis from the magnetic strip on his back. The rifle extended into combat readiness with a whir of gears and he took a knee behind a construction barricade, resting the barrel on the concrete for stability. Gazing down the site, he swept the hub back and forth, and when he found his mark, a barely audible growl of distaste caused his mandibles to twitch.

"He's over by the info terminal." Garrus muttered through the comm link, as he found Shepard approaching the scene. "Wave him over and keep him talking so I can get a clear shot."

Shepard looked over and there Sidonis was, sitting on a bench looking nervous as all hell. The Commander let out a deep breath. "I see him," she said to Garrus through their link. Shepard took several steps towards Sidonis, waving him over when he saw her. The Turian shakingly got to his feet, coming closer to the Shepard.

"Let's get this over with," he said, sounding annoyed.

Shepard could hear Garrus in her ear, telling her to get out of his line of sight. She obliged, stepping out of the way as her eyes remained on Sidonis. "This won't take long at all," she said coldly.

As Shepard took her sidestep, Garrus' finger twitched on the trigger. Sidonis hadn't moved. His worried face followed her movement, his frightened eyes narrowing in momentary confusion. Squaring his shoulders, Garrus stared beadily down the scope, picturing the faces of every member of his vigilante crew on Omega.

This was for them.

The shot was quietened by the silencer over the Mantis' muzzle, but at this range, Garrus Vakarian was just as sure to kill as an atomic blast. The first shot plunged right between the eyes of the unshielded Sidonis, the second ripped and tore through his throat, dropping him where he stood. Screams burst from the crowd, C-Sec officers sprinted across the hub, and Garrus slipped away from the scene, not even looking back. Shepard would be fine. There was nothing there to implicate her in Sidonis' murder.

Garrus moved back along the walkway, ducked under the railing and slipped into the car. Shepard wouldn't be long, and when she arrived, she probably would want to discuss what happened. But for now, Garrus was going to savour the moment.

It was done.

* * *

><p>From where she stood, Shepard's proximity was close enough that a splatter of the Turian's blue blood landed across her armor. Panic was instant, screams and gasps filling the air. Shepard backed away from the body, trying not to appear too suspicious. C Sec Officers arrived fast, telling civilians to keep their distance. One of them recognised Shepard, and before she knew it she was sitting across from Bailey in his office. The seasoned officer asked her a few routine questions, as a few people had witnessed her speaking with Sidonis before he had been shot. In an unphased voice, Shepard stated that the Turian had approached her and asked her for an autograph, and that he was shot directly after. Both Shepard and Bailey knew that there wasn't any evidence to incriminate her, so with a sigh, the Officer told Shepard that she was free to go.<p>

On the walk towards the sky car, Shepard felt aggravated. She knew she would be cleared, but she didn't like the fact that her name could be tied to Sidonis' murder. Enough people had spotted her at the scene, and the press had already been all over her for months. Ever since her resurrection, the media had been having a field day with ridiculous and incriminating stories about Shepard and her involvement with Cerberus. It was bad enough that those she cared about, namely Kaidan, had harsh words over her entanglement with the pro-human group. She hated having the entire world watching and judging her every moment. It came with the territory, but dammit, she was trying her best. Was getting involved in her crew members personal pursuits the right thing? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she needed them level headed for the mission. And Garrus… she hated seeing him so tormented over what had happened back on Omega. All she wanted was to give him the peace of mind he so clearly needed, but did that make it right? When it came to Garrus, it was more than just needing her crew member focused. It actually _pained_ her to see him so distraught. Maybe her personal feelings were fogging her judgement. As a soldier, one of the first things Shepard was taught was to never let her emotions affect a decision. She felt frustrated and confused with the whole situation. She had enough stress dealing with the Collectors, and now her own damned mind wouldn't give her a break.

She reached the sky car, Garrus already waiting for her. "Let's just get out of here," she said impassively, sitting down in her seat.


End file.
